I wish..

I got in to the school I wanted, should've been happy, but instead I'm kind of dreading the first day of school. I think my best-friend is mad at me or something like that, but I don't know what to do about it..

What the fuck should I do about every little thing that happens? The smallest things could have the biggest impact on my life later, but what do I do when I'm standing right in the middle of it? I look back on stuff I've done and think, I should've done that differently, that would've changed things. I don't want to keep doing that.

I wish I would dare being myself. Instead I try to be the person the people around me want me to be. In my group of friends, I'm like the punching-bag who takes all the hits. My friends just see them as jokes, but every comment strikes me like a bullet to the chest. I just wanna scream: "CAN YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?!" Of course, the only thing I do is sit there and take all the crap. That's another thing I wish I could do. I wish I could stand up for myself..

But I never do. My actual wish is that there was nothing about me that would set off jokes. I see people I look up to and admire. They go their own ways and do stuff that other people wouldn't do. I wish I could do that. Tell people how I really feel about stuff. Not make jokes about myself, cause I know other people are gonna say them sooner or later. Just be me. And be happy. Just live my life to the fullest, the way I want it to be..